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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  January 28, 2016 11:34pm-12:37am EST

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[ cheers and applause ] >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- billy joel, j.k. simmons, and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 394.
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jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey. oh! that's the best crowd right there. oh, my goodness. that's a great new york city crowd, right here tonight. welcome, everybody. welcome to "the tonight show." thank you so much for being here. thank you for watching. here's what people are talking about. since the first primaries are about a month away, and the candidates are really starting to -- yeah. i mean, the fact that at a a rally in new hampshire, bernie sanders mocked donald trump for thinking that climate change is a hoax created by the chinese.
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so, at this point, most people are starting to feel like trump is a hoax created by the chinese. [ laughter and applause ] that's not real. no, he's real. he's real. he's real. >> steve: wall. >> jimmy: bernie sanders gave another speech here in new york city yesterday and ended up speaking for almost an hour. we can't show you the whole speech, but we condensed it down to what bernie really wanted to say. >> [ bleep ] big banks and [ bleep ] wall street. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: simple. in and out. >> steve: in, out, boom. >> jimmy: ten seconds. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: the other big news is actually kind of scary. north korea announced yesterday that it has successfully carrying out it's first hydrogen bomb test. either that, or they just got their first chipotle. but either way, it doesn't matter. something happened. i don't remember. i didn't read it. i didn't read the whole article. >> steve: how is that even a a thing? >> jimmy: i didn't read the whole article. some more news from overseas. members of the british
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later this month to debate whether or not to ban donald trump from entering the u.k. one member of parliament said, "look, we have enough guys with ridiculous looking things on their heads making sure nobody gets over a fence. and that's right. [ laughter and applause ] you can take that to the bank. of course, we're a week into the new year. and a lot of us have new year's resolutions. even mark zuckerberg posted on facebook that one of his new year's resolutions is to run 365 miles in 2016. yeah, that's right. just had a baby and he's getting into running. so if there's ever a time to un-friend zuckerberg on facebook, it's now. [ laughter and applause ] it's like, "yeah, we get it. congratulations." "i just ran a 5k, dedicated to my baby girl." [ laughter ] there are reports that twitter is going to increase its character limit from 140 characters to 10,000 characters. you hear that? [ audience boos ] they said they've already been testing it out on the internet.
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know if people should be writing longer tweets. let's look at some examples here. this first one says -- with the 140 character limit, this person tweeted, "can't wait to try the new thai restaurant that opened in my neighborhood. #excited." with the 10,000 character limit, the same person tweeted, "can't wait to try the new thai restaurant that opened in my neighborhood. i've never been to thailand. i've never been to a hockey game. [ laughter ] my cousin got hit in the hair with a puck once. almost hit his head, but just hit his hair. close call. #excited." [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: too much. >> jimmy: take a look at this one here. with the 140 character limit, the person tweeted, "help, can't get out of bed this morning, so comfortable, #lol." with the 10,000 character limit, that same person tweeted, "help, can't get out of bed this morning, so comfortable. it's because my pillow is goose down. i never got into a pillow fight, or a food fight. my cousin got into a food fight once. some dude whipped an avocado at him. it hit him in the hair. just his hair got hurt.
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you see what i'm saying? you guys want one more example? >> audience: yeah! >> steve: a lot of hair stuff! >> jimmy: you sure about that? >> audience: yeah! >> jimmy: look, here's a a 140 character limit. the person tweeted, "high temp is 18 degrees today. #wtf." with 10,000 character limit, the same person tweeted, "high temp of 18 degrees today. sure is cold. at least it's not snowing. i've never been hit by a a snowball. [ laughter ] my cousin got hit by a snowball once. some kid threw it at his head, but it hit him in the hair. #wtf." you see, the 10,000 character limit is obviously a big mistake. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: a lot of hair. >> jimmy: i agree with you. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: his cousin almost -- had a close call. >> steve: yeah, that's a close call when you get hit in the hair. >> jimmy: absolutely. guys, this is pretty exciting here. gem experts in sri lanka said they've discovered the largest blue star sapphire they ever found. it's worth over $100 million. unfortunately, last night, some old lady threw it off the back of a boat.
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"he drew me like a french girl." [ laughter ] >> steve: near. far. >> jimmy: you just threw that jewelry. >> steve: i did not. >> jimmy: i didn't know what i was doing. [ laughter ] >> steve: mrs. sandler. >> jimmy: we risked our lives looking for this jewel. you could have said something. oh, i didn't know. i thought -- near far wherever you are [ applause ] [ gibberish ] >> steve: lunch lady! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: guys, finally, this is pretty cool here. several companies are working together to replace thousands of pay phones here in new york city with free wi-fi hotspots. [ cheers and applause ] officials say that new yorkers need a more modern, more
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to pee on when they're drunk. [ laughter and applause ] that's right. we have a great show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] we really do. give it up for the roots. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: get ready for some fun tonight. >> steve: yeah. oh, it's going to be fun. >> jimmy: guys, i'm just so excited about tonight. i mean this is good. right? you feel it? [ cheers and applause ] this guy is just fun. you feel it, you know when it's happening. it's just -- i mean. he's one of the greatest musicians of all time. i can already see the standing ovation happening now. he's a great new yorker. a great performer. billy joel is in the house tonight. [ cheers and applause ] my goodness. he's at madison square garden. he's doing this thing, every couple months.
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i think it's four shows. every show better than the last. it's unbelievable. it's record-breaking. he's just the greatest. and tonight, he's going to perform a fun song. i should also say, we have another guest on the show. he's one of the voices in "kung fu panda 3," academy award-winner j.k. simmons is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: lovely man. lovely, lovely man. >> jimmy: was it "whiplash?" >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: he was just fantastic in that. then we're going to close out the show with a billy joel song that he's never performed on a a show ever. on television. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. but he should. he should have. >> steve: he should have. >> jimmy: he should have. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: that's good. yeah, you're going to freak out. [ light laughter ] >> questlove: what is it? >> jimmy: i can't tell you what it is. that's because that would give away the secret of the fun. >> steve: it's a secret. >> jimmy: it's a fun surprise. >> steve: yeah. fun surprise.
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wild card playoff games are this weekend. are you psyched for this? [ cheers and applause ] this sunday's big matchup is between the minnesota vikings and the seattle seahawks. [ cheers and applause ] now, as you know, at the end of every season, they give out awards like most valuable player. they also give out awards during the season. they're sort of like the ones in the high school yearbooks, like most likely to succeed, class clown, stuff like that. so with that in mind, it's time for "tonight show superlatives." here we go. tonight show superlatives >> jimmy: our first player is michael bennett. he's a defensive end for the seattle seahawks. he was voted most likely to be the love child of ice cube and a sheep. [ cheers and applause ] he won that. >> steve: he won that award. >> jimmy: big deal. >> steve: not ba-ah-ad. >> jimmy: next up from the seahawks is tight end luke willson. luke willson, he was voted most likely to disappoint men when he turns around. [ laughter and applause ] hey.
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luke! you all good? that's cool. >> steve: you got a tight end. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: next up from the seahawks, marshawn lynch. >> steve: oh, yeah. [ laughter ] wait for it. >> jimmy: he was voted most likely to see the new "star wars" movie in 6d. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: really? i did not know that. >> jimmy: they must have a a special theater. in seattle. we have -- next up, the minnesota vikings' punter jeff locke. he was voted most likely to have sneezed himself into puberty. >> steve: hello. >> jimmy: hello, hi. now. [ laughter ] >> steve: hello, cathy? >> jimmy: mom, get out of my room. >> jimmy: next from the seahawks is starting quarterback russell wilson. he was voted most likely to cover your eyes with his hands and yell, "guess who?" [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: that's an award?
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he won that. next up. oh, my man, j.r. sweezy. [ laughter ] from the seahawks. he was voted most likely to have never seen "making a a murderer", but somehow know all the details. [ laughter and applause ] next up, from the seahawks is will tukuafu. he was voted most likely to make this face when his mommy tried to spoon feed him. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: come on. airplane goes in. >> jimmy: next up from the vikings is austin shepherd. he was voted most likely to just have felt the chipotle kick in. [ laughter and applause ] [ laughter ] >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: next, from the vikings, is linval joseph. he was voted most likely to open his mouth and have a a canary fly out. [ laughter and applause ] like a bird in his mouth.
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jason trusnik. he was voted most likely to wear a pringles can as a a helmet. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: that can't be an award. >> jimmy: that can't be real. >> steve: does pringles sponsor that award? >> jimmy: i don't know, man. >> steve: that's crazy. >> jimmy: once you pop your helmet, you can't stop your helmet. you've got to take it off. >> steve: you've got that can on it. >> jimmy: finally, we have blair walsh from the vikings. he was voted most likely to look like every men of "one direction" combined. there you go guys. [ cheers and applause ] those are your "nfl superlatives." we'll be right back with billy joel.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, it's happening. here we go. we are joined right now by one of the all-time greatest song writers and composers of popular music. he's an official franchise at madison square garden, where his monthly shows have sold out for over two years now. wow. [ cheers and applause ] please welcome back to the show one of the best to ever do it.
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>> jimmy: come on. billy joel! they love you. that's right. that's right. oh. that's what happens -- does that happen to billy joel, if you go to a restaurant, they all stand up? a standing ovation all the time? >> no. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: well, it happened tonight. yeah, thank you so much for being here. we love you. absolutete. i'm shaking your hand, i'm hugging you. i'm very excited. you've had a great year. so i want to say congratulations on getting married, say congratulations on >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh.
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how old is the little baby now? >> she'll be five months in a a couple days. >> jimmy: five months already. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that happened quickly. >> happens real fast. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. and your oldest daughter, alexa. >> alexa. >> jimmy: i know she's singing and playing. she's at the carlisle. she's phenomenal. >> she just turned 30. >> jimmy: 30 years old. >> yeah, she's 30 years old. >> jimmy: it happens so quickly. are those two -- are you going to get them started in a group? [ light laughter ] you gotta start now. this is the perfect time. >> that's not a bad idea. >> jimmy: it's not a bad idea. the baby is five months. this is perfect. you can get a good harmony. are they learning harmony? are you teaching them harmony? >> alexa knows harmony from years and years of playing music. she's really talented. >> jimmy: do you guys get together and play together? >> yes, we do. every time she comes to the house, we just sit around, play the piano and sing. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and you know the same songs? >> no. [ lighghlaughter ] no, she knows a lot of new stuff i don't know, but she knows a lot of old stuff that i do know. and we -- she loves to harmonize. >> jimmy: that's what i did
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i would just get into his -- i would. [ light laughter ] the same thing. i'm going to do it with my daughters, too, because they're going to be listening to -- your 5-month-old is going to listen to like -- bleep, blorp, blee, bing, boing. [ laughter ] and that's going to be the new thing. you're like, oh, i love that song. >> she's already digging music, i can tell. >> jimmy: she is? >> yeah. t you and your dad are good together. you know a lot of harmony stuff. >> jimmy: yeah, we -- we bum rushed you at your show once at the garden. >> well, i went on late for the show because me and jimmy and his dad were just doing doo-wop backstage. [ light laughter ] and the crew is going, "you know you're supposed to be on stage now?" now, wait a minute. wait, wait, wait. >> jimmy: but that's what happens when -- my dad. he just loves doo-wop. i know you love doo-wop. so we got together. any song you mentioned, my dad knows. he's like an encyclopedia of doo-wop music. when we got here, i'm like -- i don't know how he even started -- i don't know how he got backstage, my dad. [ light laughter ] he wasn't -- yeah, i didn't have a pass or anything. no, he just kind of ends up there. like, "hey, what's up, guys?" yeah. >> he was fun.
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singing with you. >> jimmy: yeah. i got to say, there's two tonight. announcements. one is the billy joel channel on sirius. which i love. it's coming back. you're relaunching it january 15th, i want to say, is it? >> yeah. >> jimmy: january 15th. the billy joel channel will be on sirius. i loved it last time. but it's different now this time. >> well, i'm going to be more involved. last time, i didn't get a a chance to really be on-air when they were playing stuff. i wanted to be more involved. we took a break and we're going to redo it again. so it's not just gonna be me. it's going to be stuff that i like, too. >> jimmy: will you dj? will you appear on the thing, be like, "hey, it's billy joel counting down." >> it's bj the dj, coming up. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's right, bj the dj here. coming in at numumr four, we got beethoven. >> now, do you remember like, wnew fm? >> jimmy: yeah. i remember wcbs fm. it was doo-wop. cousin bruce. >> cousin brucie. >> jimmy: cousin brucie.
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[ cheers and applause ] that's my jam. remember, we went to a party once, and we just -- >> howard stern's house. >> jimmy: we cornered each other, or i cornered you, really. [ laughter ] i started talking about doo-wop music or something, and then -- >> there was a piano. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and there were all these famous people. and we ignored everybody and just sang. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: we sang for like the whole party. [ laughter ] i mean, it was so fun. >> i didn't even eat. >> jimmy: no, me, either. we kept saying, do you know this song, that song. oh, it'll be fun. then we talked about maybe showing up at this radio station, wlng. >> in sag harbor. >> jimmy: in sag harbor, new york. >> raiding them at midnight. >> jimmy: yeah. >> taking over the stage. >> jimmy: taking over the stage, showing up at midnight, me and you. and going, "what's up guys? we're going to start, i got jimmy and bj the dj, and we're here to show you what's up." [ light laughter ] >> it would be fun. let's do it. >> jimmy: let's do it. you're down? >> this summer. >> jimmy: wlng, get ready, we're going to show up. we know where the station is. [ cheers and applause ] we're going to just show up.
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it will be fun. >> jimmy: madison square garden. you're there tomorrow night as well. i have seen -- >> are you coming? >> jimmy: yeah, of course, i'm ming. i'm there. >> we'll do something onstage. >> jimmy: yeah? >> yeah. >> jimmy: really? [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: don't get involved. hey, quest, don't get jealous. don't get jealous. don't get jealous. we can do something fun. we'll do doo-wop now. >> whatever you want to do. we can do it all. >> jimmy: all right, i got a a night to think about this. i'm going to think about this. >> okay. >> jimmy: because it's amazing. have you seen billy joel in concert, anyone? [ cheers and applause ] this is good. if you haven't, you are in for such a treat. it's the most fun thing ever. you don't see me when i'm there, though, right? if i'm in the audience, do you? do you see the crowd? >> umm -- >> jimmy: how far do you see? >> i see about six rows back and then i'm blind after that. >> jimmy: good. you don't see me then because i'm in the nose bleeds. thanks for the hook-up, by the way, yeah. [ laughter ] >> any time, jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah, appreciate that. another announcement, you're adding another show. july 20th is going to go on
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this will be your 31st consecutive show in a row at the garden in this run at the garden. that's crazy. >> it is crazy. >> jimmy: 31 shows. >> i didn't know it was going to go this long. if there's still a ticket demand, i'm going to keep playing. >> jimmy: you won't stop. [ cheers and applause ] it's the most fun -- it's the most fun night. >> it may go on for the rest of my natural life. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it's the most fun, and you guys are going to get a a taste of what this is all about. more with billy joel when we come back with "the tonight show," everybody. [ cheers and applause ] the more you move the more you sweat degree's motionsense technology keeps you fresh with every move. it has unique microcapsules that contain fragrances. friction breaks the capsules... ...releasing bursts of freshness all day. whether you're meeting a deadline... ...grabbing a bite...
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: everybody, we're back with the one and only billy joel. there was a piano here. i had to have him sit behind the piano. it would appear you just showed up because the piano is here. you just ended up sitting behind the piano. >> that's where i usually go to work. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. was there a note you always pressed when sit behind a a piano? >> middle c. >> jimmy: middle c is the -- >> that's where it all starts. it's the first note you learn when you take a piano lesson. middle c. >> jimmy: i don't know -- i can't do piano stuff. but i can -- no, but you don't even want me to. i'm hosting the show and you're here. [ laughter ] oh, you know what, citi field, by the way, that was a a beautiful thing.
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the world series. the mets were in the world series and they were at citi field. [ applause ] and i guess during the eighth inning, they always play "piano man" at citi field. >> yeah, i heard that. >> jimmy: and then you go there, and you have never been -- seen it live actually happening. >> no, they were singing, and i went out. "what do i do now? they're doing it." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "that's my thing!" yeah. >> the mets won that night, thank goodness, because i was supposed to be a jinx. i sang two other songs at met world series games, and they lost. "billy joel's singing. they're going to lose." they actually won that night. >> jimmy: they did win that night. >> we broke the curse. >> jimmy: but i mean, everybody is singing "piano man." you don't really know what to do because that is your song. you're like, "thank you." you know how the song goes. >> yeah. kinda. >> jimmy: yeah, we have a clip of you. it's kind of a cool thing. here it is. everybody is singing. put bread in my jar and say man what are you
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la da da di di da sing us a song you're the piano man [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i love. "yeah, i know the words. i got to sing along." that's a great song to sing to. >> that's strange, man. >> jimmy: i've never seen that in the world series of them just not talking, like, "they're warming up the bullpen." those guys didn't say -- joe buck or whoever didn't say a word. they just let you sing "piano man" for like -- and it was fantastic. >> it was great. >> jimmy: we were talking during the commercial. we thought of something fun, because we were going to talk, and then i said, "well, we should maybe do a song, like if we were at a party or something. [ laughter ] >> okay. >> jimmy: what song would we do? so -- rolling stones -- because we don't have to do your song, right? >> stones are great. i love the stones. >> jimmy: "beast of burden"? >> "beast of burden." >> jimmy: in g? in g?
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i'll never be your beast of burden [ cheers and applause ] back is broad but it's hurting all i want is for you to make love to me >> you take it. [ cheers and applause ] i'll never be your beast of burden i've walked for miles my feet are hurting all i want is for you to make love to me [ cheers and applause ] am i hard enough am i rough enough am i rich enough i'm not too blind to see i'll never be your beast of burden so let's go home and draw the curtains music on the radio come on baby
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[ cheers and applause ] am i hard enough am i rough enough am i rich enough i'm not too blind to see [ cheers and applause ] you're a pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty girl m pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty girl come on baby please please please [ cheers and applause ] you can put me out on the street put me out with no shoes on my feet put me out put me out put me out of misery i'll never be your beast of burden
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of burden never ever never ever never never never be [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: billy joel, everyone. billy joel is going to perform "scenes from an italian restaurant" to close the show tonight. you don't want to miss it. j.k. simmons joins me after the break. stick around, everybody. never never never never never never never be put me out of misery
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how fun was that? that was so fun. i mean, come on. billy joel, once again, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] oh, i love our next guest, too. he's a golden globe and academy award-winning actor. oh, he had a great speech. he lends his voice to the new animated film "kung fu panda 3" which hits theaters nationwide january 29th.
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welcome j.k. simmons. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: they know talent when they see talent. >> absolutely. >> jimmy: they're a great audience out there. absolutely. you can't mess with them. [ cheers and applause ] >> they're going to be with you the whole year, right? >> jimmy: yeah, they're with me ev -- they've been here 31 consecutive shows in a row. it's a record-breaking thing. [ cheers ] so happy to have them. don't leave. don't leave. [ cheers and applause ] >> at some point, you're going to bring in some food. there will be some food later. >> jimmy: there will be some food later, yeah. [ cheers ] one of those tiny snack packs with crackers, and you spread the cheese on it. [ laughter ] the plastic thing. >> they each get one? >> jimmy: let's not jump to conclusions. we'll figure it out. [ laughter ] welcome back to the show. how exciting.
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we got billy joel. i mean, that's all you need. >> that's like a demographic thing you're doing with bald, white guys with beards. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no, no. that's next week. we're doing all bald, white guys with beards. >> i'll be back. >> jimmy: you'll be back. but i'm so happy you're here. i just want to say congrats on the oscar. i am not going to say i called it, but i called it. [ cheers and applause ] it was all me. yeah. you were so great in "whiplash." oh, my gosh. and i mean, i'm watching the academy awards, and i'm just going, "oh, my gosh." i was just so excited for you. then you won. >> did you notice i head butted lupita when i took the award? >> jimmy: no. >> you got to play that back in slow motion sometime because i went in to get the thing, and i was thinking about what am i going to say and everything. oh, i have to take the thing from her and hand shake or a a hug. i wasn't sure. so i went for the hand shake and a kiss on the cheek, and bump! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, no. >> totally head-butted lupita. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah yeah. that's good luck. i mean, hey, you won and then, you head-butted lupita.
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great speech, which i don't know word for word, but i remember the one part, you said, "call your mom. right now, call your mom." [ applause ] it was the best way. >> i got dad in there, too. >> jimmy: what's that? >> i got dad in there, too. >> jimmy: and hey, you got dad in there too. and you said, "hey, if you're lucky enough to have a mother and father that love you and they're around, call them. don't e-mail them, don't text right? >> you did memorize it. >> jimmy: i did. i kind of did. i have it tattooed on my lower [ laughter ] i want you to look at it later just to make sure i got it word for word. but then, you went on. it was just beautiful. it was a good way -- it's a a classy night, the academy awards. it was just a classy way to start it off. that was nice of you to do that, and then of course, you thanked your beautiful wife, as well. who you've married almost 20 years now, is that correct? >> it'll be 20 years in september, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: now, i know why she would fall for a guy like you. i go, "oh, he's talented." then i saw a picture of where you first met. because you met doing
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>> yes, we did. >> jimmy: yeah, and you were -- oh, man. this is really cool. here's you and your wife. [ audience aws ] [ cheers and applause ] come on. look at that right there. yeah. there she is. there you go. there you go. >> i was getting a little handsy, there. >> jimmy: you got a little handsy, yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but that's sweet. you just met. you met and fell in love there? >> we had the same hair, so -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ah, well, you got a a good voice. you got the best voice for theater. but also, that's why these guys want you in the animated movies, because you've got a a good voice. so here you are in the new "kung fu panda 3." this is angelina jolie, jack black, obviously. everyone is coming back. but you're new. kate hudson is new, and bryan cranston is new. >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: and you play kai? you're a villain. >> i'm the scary bad guy. >> jimmy: oh, okay, yeah. i was like, "do you play kai?" [ laughter ] you're a cute little -- >> no, yeah. you don't know what kai is. >> jimmy: you're a litle baby panda. yeah, yeah, no.
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>> no, cranston gets to be a a panda. i'm a giant scary-looking ox thing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. would you change your voice for that? >> well, i mean, when they first asked me to do it, the only question i asked was, "it all the same team?" you know, the writers and directors and producers. and it is. and i thought the first two movies were so good, and the actors. >> jimmy: your voice is a a friendly voice. i wouldn't cast you as a a villain. >> well, but at least i got the low voice. >> jimmy: "yeah. i'm a bull." [ light laughter ] >> so that was my thought. i would go to my james earl jones darth vader land. >> jimmy: yeah! >> see if that was kind of what they were looking for. >> jimmy: nice reference! i love that. yeah, i know that one. i want to show a clip. here's j.k. simmons as the villain, kai, in "kung fu panda 3." check this out. >> kai has returned! >> who? >> kai. general kai. supreme war lord of all china. >> i don't know.
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master of pain. >> eh. >> okay, i used to work with oogway. >> oh, oogway! >> great warrior. >> we've heard of master oogway. >> okay, okay. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i knew your were like a villain, but you're friendly. a lovable villain. that's our pal, j.k. simmons right there. "kung fu panda 3" is in theaters everywhere january 29th. billy joel performs for us next. stick around. turn your tvs up. it's good, it's good, it's good. [ cheers and applause ] hello, nice to meet you. melda. i'm john. we invited you here today to get your honest opinion about this new car. to keep things unbiased, we removed all the badging and logos. so, what do you think it is? i would say lexus. maybe acura. feels like a bmw. let's look at the interior.
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so, this car supports apple carplay siri, open maps. nice. wow. she gets me. someone really took their time laying this out. yeah. this car also has teen driver technology. it even mutes the radio until the seatbelts are buckled. wow. my husband could use that. i'm very curious what it is. what price range would you put this car in? fifty to sixty-five. the eighty-thousand dollar bracket. well, what if i told you this is the 2016 chevy malibu? this is a malibu? yeah, let's go check it out. no way, it's a chevy! oh, wow. and it sells for? it starts at twenty-two five. gasp! what? oh wow. i'm very impressed. yeah. i mean with all this technology? that's a game changer, really. i want one. i'll take the house, too.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, get ready. get ready. get ready. this is going to be fun tonight. performing his classic "scenes from an italian restaurant." once again, billy joel.
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a bottle of white a bottle of red perhaps a bottle of rose instead we'll get a table near the street in our old familiar place you and i face to face a bottle of red a bottle of white it all depends on your appetite i'll meet you any time you want
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things are okay with me these days got a good job got a good office got a new wife got a new life and the family's fine we lost touch long ago you lost weight i did not know you could ever look so nice after so much time do you remember those days hanging out at the village green
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and tight blue jeans drop a dime in the box play the song about new orleans cold beer hot lights my sweet romantic teenage
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brenda and eddie were the popular steadies and the king and the queen of the prom riding around with the car top down and the radio on nobody looked any finer or was more of a hit at the parkway diner we never knew we could want more than that out of life surely brenda and eddie would always know how to survive brenda and eddie were still going steady in the summer of '75 when they decided the marriage would be at the end of july everyone said they were crazy brenda you know you're much too lazy eddie could never afford to live that kind of life
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eddie goodbye they got an apartment with deep pile carpet and a couple of paintings from sears a big waterbed that they bought with the bread they had saved for a couple of years they started to fight when the money got tight and they just didn't count on the tears they lived for a while in a very nice style but it's always the same in the end they got a divorce as a matter of course
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then the king and the queen went back to the green but you can never go back there again brenda and eddie had had it already by the summer of '75 from the high to the low to the end of the show for the rest of their lives they couldn't go back to the greasers the best they could do was pick up the pieces we always knew they would both find a way to get by that's all i heard about brenda and eddie can't tell you more than i told you already and here we are waving brenda
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a bottle of red a bottle of white whatever kind of mood you're in tonight i'll meet you anytime you want
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh! oh! destruction. destruction. oh, the best. billy joel. tickets for his 31st madison square garden show go on sale friday, january 15th.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to billy joel. [ cheers and applause ] j.k. simmons. [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there from philadelphia, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with
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